I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
