And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
