You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
