Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
