So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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