shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
