do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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