My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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