I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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