$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
