is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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