I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
