I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
