It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
