Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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