I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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