I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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