it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
