What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
