lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
