It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
