Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
