I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
