I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
