I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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