loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
