Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
