so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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