after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
