Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
