So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
