Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
