3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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