So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
