Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
