Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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