Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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