Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
