sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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