I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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