Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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