We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
