he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
