My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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