It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
