She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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