Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
