I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Non-Jews are for practice
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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