she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
