I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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