Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
handjob tips. give me some.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
