I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
