just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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