I think I died a long time ago.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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