Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
