im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
